Skating Fast

WIH: Mia

ML: That’s Milan

WIH: Mia, how is the golf scene?

ML: A total waste of space.

WIH: Rich people need to play fake sports too.

ML: I guess.

WIH: What is your favorite sport?

ML: Tennis, or curling.

WIH: Correction: What is yr favorite fake sport?

ML: Baseball.

WIH: Right.

ML: How many baseball players know how to ice skate?

WIH: one percent, maybe

ML: Nah, half a percent at most.

WIH: Is baseball in your future?

ML: Maybe when I get fat and out-of-shape.

WIH: Ah hah. Hah. Ha. But. How will you run around the diamond?

ML: The what?

WIH: Y’know, running in a circle and touching a “base” with your foot

ML: Not following.

WIH: You hit a ball with a piece of wood and try to run in a circle as fast as possible.

ML: Am I wearing ice skates?

WIH: Ice skates are optional, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

ML: No deal. I skate so much I can barely walk.

WIH: Also you are drunk.

ML: Irrelevant. I ain’t playing no game that doesn’t involve ice skates.

WIH: I guess you could take up speed skating?

ML: The fuck is that?

WIH: You skate really fast. Faster than your opponent.

ML: Can I check my opponent?

WIH: . . .

WIH: No.

ML: Why bother?

WIH: Well.

ML: Do i score goals?

WIH: Not exactly. The goal is to skate really fast. Faster than your opponent.

ML: Can I check my op---

WIH: No. we went over this. You have to skate fast to win.

ML: Is there a goalie blocking the finish line?

WIH: No.

ML: Is there a puck involved?

WIH: Nah.

ML: Imma go speed skate. Also, my dog is hungry. We have to continue this interview later.

WIH: Thanks, mia.