I had to use a public restroom today.
The floor is so sticky.
It sounds like I'm driving in a parking garage.
I can't urinate in the urinal, someone took a dump in it.
Oh boy, now I have to take a dump.
This stall seems nice.
Gosh these doors are sticky.
Great.. Piss on the seat.
Good thing there is.. oh, nope. No toilet paper.
Next stall.
Damn it! Piss again, on the floor too.
Hooray for toilet paper.
Now for the tissue paper.
Who invented this?
What idiot thought, "You know what would protect my ass from disease in a public bathroom?"
"Tissue Paper!"
Better use two sheets.
Gosh is it humid in here. I'm sweating.
Shit i forgot my phone.
At least I can read the walls.
"For a good time call 997-312-4859."
Too bad its out of my area code.
Who wants to travel for a good time.
Damn. Well I can't shit without my phone.
Oh god someone else is in here!
Shit! We just made eye contact.
What idiot invented these walls.
And why haven't they changed them.
Looks like I'll have to stay in here until he leaves.
6.29.2013
6.28.2013
Hammer Time
WIH: Nik, thanks for being here.
NH: No problem.
WIH: You are known for blocking shots, but do you ever wear leather pants?
NH: I own several pairs of leather pants.
WIH: Best Radio Dept. song?
NH: Where Damage Isn't Already Done, of course.
WIH: Good call.
NH: I have to take my dog for a walk. Can we resume this interview later?
WIH: Maybe.
NH: Welp, seeya later.
WIH: Thanks, nik.
Again With The Pets
WIH: Corey, thanks for being here.
CC: Thanks for having me.
WIH: Sorry about the glove hand joke.
CC: Haters gonna hate.
WIH: Truer words. Love the throwback jersey.
CC: I do, in fact, remember where I came from.
WIH: What are your thoughts on unpaid labor?
CC: Whaa?
WIH: Like, one has to prepare for work, but you don't actually get paid until you show up.
CC: Totally. My job requires a lot of mental preparation. I visualize all of the shots. Don't get paid for that.
WIH: If I made millions of dollars I think I could handle it.
CC: Can we not talk about money?
WIH: Sometimes, when goalies get scored on, the puck is already in the back of the net, and yet, their glove hand flails in a very dramatic fashion.
CC: I know right. Like they *almost* had it.
WIH: Sayin.
CC: Part of the territory. For example, when I do make a glove save I still make it dramatic. It's called showmanship.
WIH: Sigh. So when are you going to father a child? You're not getting any younger.
CC: Gonna have to end this interview. My dog has to pee.
WIH: Thanks corey.
Star(k) Remi(x)
WIH: What is reality?
GC: thirteen mcnuggets and an 8 ball.
WIH: the one that predicts how yr life will turn out?
GC: All signs point to yes. North West, that is.
WIH: thanks, jerry
Flick my Bick
WIH: Bryan, I love the pose, but this isn't a photo-shoot.
BB: Thank god, my knees are really sore.
WIH: I understand you are involved with a pit-bull rescue group?
BB: That's true. They are misunderstood. The temperament of the dog is directly influenced by the owner.
WIH: Agreed. Love the Ice Hogs jersey by the way.
BB: You gotta remember where you came from.
WIH: You have certainly come a long way.
BB: Thanks.
WIH: No, thank you for being here. Anything else?
BB: Get your dog spayed or neutered.
WIH: Sensible advice, enjoy the summer.
BB: Thanks WIH!
Slam Dunc
WIH: We don't allow pets on this blog
DK: Whaa?
WIH: JK we love pets. Speaking of pets, I heard that you fathered a child.
DK: I am currently fathering a child.
WIH: How's that going?
DK: Very well. I felt like I had an obligation to have a child, for the hockey community and society at large.
WIH: What if the child does not like hockey?
DK: Next question.
WIH: Thanks for the hat, BTW.
DK: Snothing
WIH: Pop quiz: Defenceman or defenseman ?
DK: defenceman, obv.
WIH: You are so Canadian.
6.27.2013
Tea Time
WIH: Milan! Sorry about the confusion. We didn't know that you didn't know how to use a computer. Which is why we are on the phone now.
ML: Nah it's cool. I hired some guy to teach me.
WIH: Congratulations!
ML: It's a'ight. Been reading some opinions on the internet.
WIH: How'd that go?
ML: To be honest, I feel like some people are wrong on the internet.
WIH: Your responses are so . . . premeditated. As if you were reading from a script.
ML: This interview is over.
WIH: Thanks milan.
The Spiderbite Post
What is that?
A zit?
Did I get bit?
By a Spider?
Mostly Harmless.
Nature's pest control, you know?
But sometimes they get out of line.
6.26.2013
Stark Reality
I'm looking forward to MTV's new reality series, Thirteen and a Virgin.
It will be following this weeks episode of North West: Balling in the Womb.
This week Kim is going to pierce North's right ear.
The three of them have decided on 14k gold for now.
It will be following this weeks episode of North West: Balling in the Womb.
This week Kim is going to pierce North's right ear.
The three of them have decided on 14k gold for now.
6.25.2013
6.23.2013
New Tattoo
So I'm out with a friend; and she decides that she needs to get a new tattoo.
We go to her favorite shop.
Great artist, clean facility.
She tells the artist that she wants a profile of Burt Reynolds on the inside of her thigh.
The artist pulls up a photograph and gets to work.
Three hours later he completes the tattoo.
My friend is livid!
She yells at the artist, "This looks Nothing like Burt Reynolds!"
She storms out of the shop.
After about two blocks I catch up to her.
We talk.
She calms down.
We head back to the shop to see the artist.
She apologizes for her actions.
Makes amends with the artist.
She says, "Can you please try one more time? On the other thigh. Please, Burt Reynolds."
The artist agrees.
He works for six hours this time.
He pays attention to every detail.
After the artist finishes, he feels like this is one for the portfolio, he wipes away the extra ink and cleans it up.
My friend reacts.
"You piece of %#*! artist! You call THIS Burt Reynolds?"
She gets up and leaves before the artist could blink an eye.
She runs down the street a few blocks.
She stops to cry.
She starts to walk again.
Going home would be the best thing to do right now.
She passes a homeless man on the way home.
Still angry she needs a second opinion.
She lifts her skirt and asks the man, "Do either of these tattoos look like Burt Reynolds to you?"
The man replies, "I don't know about the twins; but the one on the middle looks like Willie Nelson."
We go to her favorite shop.
Great artist, clean facility.
She tells the artist that she wants a profile of Burt Reynolds on the inside of her thigh.
The artist pulls up a photograph and gets to work.
Three hours later he completes the tattoo.
My friend is livid!
She yells at the artist, "This looks Nothing like Burt Reynolds!"
She storms out of the shop.
After about two blocks I catch up to her.
We talk.
She calms down.
We head back to the shop to see the artist.
She apologizes for her actions.
Makes amends with the artist.
She says, "Can you please try one more time? On the other thigh. Please, Burt Reynolds."
The artist agrees.
He works for six hours this time.
He pays attention to every detail.
After the artist finishes, he feels like this is one for the portfolio, he wipes away the extra ink and cleans it up.
My friend reacts.
"You piece of %#*! artist! You call THIS Burt Reynolds?"
She gets up and leaves before the artist could blink an eye.
She runs down the street a few blocks.
She stops to cry.
She starts to walk again.
Going home would be the best thing to do right now.
She passes a homeless man on the way home.
Still angry she needs a second opinion.
She lifts her skirt and asks the man, "Do either of these tattoos look like Burt Reynolds to you?"
The man replies, "I don't know about the twins; but the one on the middle looks like Willie Nelson."
Q&A with JQ
WIH: Mr. Q, you previously played for the now-defunct Hartford Whalers, correct?
Q: I saw myself on a hockey card once that would indicate that
WIH: Me too. So, Whalers, best logo ever
Q: Of course I can't argue with that, but I thought this interview was about the haw---
WIH: That team should still exist. Why doesn't Connecticut deserve a hockey team? That is where Hartford is, I think
Q: That's correct.
WIH: Joe, thanks for being here.
WIH: JONATH--
JT: That's Mr. Toews
WIH: Of course, our mistake. But is it really necessary to make me skate warm-up laps before the interview?
JT: LOL ur already in teh interview. Get back here and let me see a really sweet hockey stop. Lots of ice shavings and stuff
:::at this point the interviewer falls head first into the halfboards. he/she asked us not to mention that::
WIH: I am going to avoid the obvious joke and not mention your weird surname, but I must ask . . . Why So Serious?
JT: Whaa?
WIH: My joker impression, you heard it
JT: Is this interview o---
WIH: (interrupting) no. sorry about the last one though. there were some corporate restrictions. I had never been in a media room. Too many people.
JT: I know right?
WIH: Yes.
JT: chyea
WIH: Anyway, Mr. Toews, Don't you find it weird that when you type an NHL player's name into a search eng::GOOGLE:: the first suggestion is whether they have a G/F or not?
JT: I do.
WIH: Thanks for being here.
High Seas
WIH: Love your hat.
BS: Thank you
WIH: No thank you for being here
BS: The hat brought me here
WIH: Well, thank you Mr. Hat
BS: Don't talk to the hat.
Hoss
We caught up with Marián Hossa to let him know we found out about accent marks.
WIH: Marián, how important are accent marks to you?
MH: What does this have to do with hockey?
WIH: Don't you miss having an accent mark on your jersey?
MH: I am not sure that I have ever had one
WIH: But you appreciate the effort, no?
MH: Are we talking about jersey nameplates or dialogue?
WIH: Thanks for yóur time.
UPDATE: Marián has informed us that first names don't appear on the back of a hockey jersey.
Deutschland
WIH: Don't laugh this is a serious interview
DS: Es tut mir leid
WIH: What?
DS: Englisch ist nicht meine erste Sprache.
WIH: Not sure what you're saying, but thanks for being with us
DS: kein problem!
SAAD SAID
WIH: Brandon thanks for joining this blog
BS: No thank you
WIH: We love your jersey
BS: Oh, this old thing?
WIH: Oh ha ha ha...How does it feel to have a name that sounds swedish?
BS: Huh?
WIH: Saad. Like SAAB. They make cars.
BS: Ugh
WIH: OK bad joke, but do you ever pretend to be Swedish to up your skills a bit?
BS: Yes. I do.
WIH: Thanks brandon
We Can't Figure Out How To Do Umlauts
We caught MK at some sort of popular event. Our reporter is the one with blue fingernails
DISCLAIMER: WE AT WIH DO NOT ENDORSE COLORED FINGERNAILS
WIH: Marc, thanks for being with us
MK: You are very welcome
WIH: Is it wierd to not have the umlaut on your jersey?
MK: Not really. Just to let you know, you spelled weird wrong
WIH: Thanks marc
So Sharp
WIH: May I comb your hair?
PS: Sure.
WIH: It's really messy
PS: I know, I just rolled out of bed
WIH: You really should take better care of your hair
PS: Sorry.
WIH: You are so Canadian.
Kaner
Why did my agent let you interview me?
Kismet
English is not my first language..
Love yr mullet?
Is this interview over?
We On ESPN
ESPN hired Us to interview the captain of the hawks. And this is what happened:
Tazer (we call him that) was quoted as saying,"Next Question ([Sic] He had a Canadian accent)
Tazer (we call him that) was quoted as saying,"Next Question ([Sic] He had a Canadian accent)
The Lap Top Is Not On My Lap
We tried to contact Mr. Lucic by e-mail, but he couldn't figure out how to use a computer.
March and what?
We at WIH caught BMarsh between bottles. Asked about game 6 he said, (and i quote) "We in Bostin [sic] ! No way we can lose!"
This reporter is skeptical.
Ask Rask
We met Mr. Rask in an undisclosed location:
WIH: How do you feel about the Stanley Cup?
TR: To me, the Stanley Cup is like gold at the end of a rainbow, gnomesayin?
WIH: We think so.
TR: I barely speak English. I just want a good..."series" is that how you say it?
WIH: It is.
Corey's Weak Glove Hand?
We interviewed Mr. Crawford and I quote, "When the puck goes over my hand, I pretend that I was really close to stopping it."
6.17.2013
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